Jofa 235-51 Helmet

Gretzky Jofa 235-51 Helmet

Noun

Definition
Protective hockey headwear designed by Jonssons Factories (Jofa) in Sweden.

Synonym(s)
The Gretzky Helmet, Swiss Cheese

Used In A Sentence
“Sir, you sustained a severe concussion due to a lack of protection from your Jofa 235-51 helmet.”
“Yeah but did you see how sick I look with it on?”

History
As we all know, the first few generations of hockey players had no need for cranial protection. They consumed a steady diet of hardtack and unfluoridated water, which had the unintended side effect of producing skulls at least 50% stronger then modern man. As the Second Industrial Revolution came to pass and our diets gradually became more diverse, and our bodies began to deteriorate to the point where we required additional protection.

Georges “Foo Foo” St. Jofarre was a defenseman who spent his short career with the Montreal Maroons. Despite his hockey prowess, he earned a poor reputation among the other players, as he had a strong distaste for the perceived “manly” libations of the time, opting instead for elaborately mixed cocktails, often garnished with a miniature umbrella. After a difficult home loss to the Red Wings in which his blown coverage led to the game tying goal, St. Jofarre could no longer endure the berating of his teammates. He left the locker room (fuzzy navel in hand) and stumbled the short distance to his home. In his intoxicated state, he accidentally opened the wrong door, which happened to be an illegal Slovakian brothel. He was verbally chastised again, this time in an unidentifiable Eastern European language- and was struck on the crown of his head with a cast iron frying pan.

Left in a disabled state and unaffected by the team physicians regiment of castor oil, he was in serious peril. In a last-ditch effort to save his career, he assembled a protective device for his head from an old colander and the padding from a brassiere he had accidentally tracked home from the aforementioned brothel. It worked, and the only lasting side effect was a speech impediment that made it impossible to use the letter “R.” And thus was the genesis of the Jofa 235-51 helmet.

Contributed By
Joe Carlino, Store Manager at Pure Hockey in Fairfield, NJ